Who knew it'd be such a grizzly debate?
The now-viral subject of whether women feel safer coming across men or bears in the woods has ignited weeks of passionate debate on social media, with a clear divide between men and women. What began as a playful TikTok hypothetical swiftly escalated into a 2024 #MeToo situation, with thousands of women contributing their own stories of violence and harassment. Predictably, many men responded with a defensive attitude and denial.
Despite frequent claims to the contrary, women are not simply paranoid. According to the United Nations, approximately one-third of all women worldwide have experienced physical or sexual abuse from intimate partners or strangers at least once in their lifetime. One TikTok user summed up some of the remarks she'd read from women on why they chose the bear, and they were both heartbreaking and mundane. Statements like: "If I survive the bear attack, I won't have to see the bear at family reunions." "The worst thing the bear can do is kill me." "No one will say I liked the bear attack" or "The bear sees me as a human being." "A bear, because if I got attacked by a bear people would believe me."
During a solo trekking journey through Armenia, Anna Richards accepted a beekeeper's offer to rest on his porch. He didn't appear menacing; he was thin as a rake, old, and shorter than her. Soon after closing her eyes, she felt a body on top of her own, as well as hot breath on her neck. She explained that she was rarely physically overcome by men. This time, she got lucky. She pushed, kicked, and beat him with no technique or direction, but she was successful in pushing him off of her.
For most of us, man vs. bear is a hypothetical issue, but she certainly took her chances with the bears throughout the rest of the path. That's because, unlike most women's interactions with men, a bear has never harassed, catcalled, chased her, thrown a bottle at her, or otherwise made her feel unsafe.
As I type this, I wonder why these choices are being made behind why this is trending, and it is something that men should try to comprehend. The men who are outraged and triggered by this are the driving force behind these decisions. When asked who they would choose if their daughter was trapped in the woods, some men comprehend this and choose the bear. And some males are shocked. Angry. Livid. But most of all, they're upset that they weren't chosen.
There is nothing innate about cisgender guys that renders them susceptible to harassment or assault. This is not due to some fundamental, immutable property. However, we are raising men and boys in a culture in which women are given tip sheets on how to "stay safe" and avoid being targeted, but men are rarely given instructions on how not to endanger others. Of course, the inference is that it is the job of women to be more watchful, and if anything happens, you just should have behaved more cautiously.
It perplexes me that no one is trying to figure out what happened to women to make them prefer being confined with a bear over a guy. If I were a male, I would reflect on men in general, and instead of being defensive and even unpleasant, I would strive to understand what has occurred and continues to happen to make women feel this way. If I were a man reading this and my first impulse is to demean the woman, intimidate, insult, mansplain, or dismiss her sentiments, then I am the reason she chose the bear. If I were a man reading this and I am dismissive of why a woman feels afraid, I am the reason she chooses the bear. If I were a man reading this and did not view women as equal human beings, I am the reason she chose the bear.
If I were a man who has just read this and still cannot understand why a woman would select a bear, who cannot empathize with how women are regarded, and who does not realize that we have a real problem here, I would be the reason she chose the bear.
A typical man assumes he is not a threat. The ordinary woman assumes that every man she meets is a threat. This is why many of the ladies involved in this discussion choose the bear. They never deliver responses without context. And before we all get too worked up, this isn't just men. And this isn't just ladies. However, there are numerous men and women.
