'Shouldn't there be more distaste in our mouths for the abusers than for those who continue to love the abusers?'
We have heard of abuse, its language, gestures, denial, and impact. Even if we are distant from its impact and consequences, it continues to haunt, manipulate and traumatize people beyond measure.
Abuse isn't just that slap that comes like a sharp blow. It's violation of your choices, consent, personal space and so much more. The claws of abuse reach deeper, what you see are just faded imprints of survival. What misses our eyes is the damage done, sometimes even in the name of love.
You'd say you've heard of abuse. Maybe in stories, maybe as part of these stories. What so loudly stands out in this book is what goes beneath, around, during, and after abuse. The painful cycles that never leave unless you step out.
When I first came across this title - It Ends With Us by Colleen Hoover, I thought it was some random romantic story with a happy or sad ending. But, what it is, what it highlights and portrays deserves immense appreciation and respect.
As Colleen highlights and mentions the stages of grief - denial, anger, bargaining, depression, & acceptance, I feel we do get bitter when we hear of the incidents but what goes unnoticed is the unedited love, apologies, guilt, and the courage to give chances. Don't we all hope that it will get better and that good times await us? Don't we all highlight that people make mistakes and forgiveness is the core of our relationships? But, do we all say, 'Let Go, Love at the cost of physical, mental and spiritual harm doesn't deserve a chance'?
I loved that this book didn't follow the footsteps expected of those getting abused - patience, loops, pain, chances and more damage than words can hold. Within this book, is a re-write. A choice to pass better decisions to the next generations. A choice to love and respect yourself enough to not make tolerating abuse a part of love. We may say there are good and no-so good phases of people but please add to that - no phase gives you the right to abuse another person. Your pain, grief and everything you feel isn't denied but don't justify abuse as having a bad day issue. It isn't.
'For better, for worse!' This is what keeps running like a loop. What if this time it gets better? What if my children suffer? What if separation isn't the answer and this is just a phase? Too many what-ifs!
But, what if you don't even survive the abuse this time around? - this question is neglected, erased altogether!
'Cycles exist because they are excruciating to break..' Well, as she says, 'how easy it is for humans to make judgments when we're outside of the situation'.
This book had a great impact on me! I thought of all the people, stories, and incidents and tried to understand why so many chances after repeated abuse! It goes without saying that how this book deals with this crucial subject is commendable!
'As humans we can't expect to shoulder all of our pain. Sometimes we have to share it with people who love us so we don't come crashing down from the weight of it all.'